Anxiety of my soul

My Sr paper on pornography focuses on changing hearts. I'm trying to show pornography as its root... Selfishness. This topic has really opened my eyes into the injustice of this world. I remember a feminist's response to pornography I came across at the end of my research  She said,

"The problem is, pornography is not about women's sexuality at all—those aspects of sex that are valuable, that involve knowing and connecting with another person as a human, cannot be shown in pornography; Pornography is a substitute for intimacy. For relating to women through sex. But sex with women cannot be commercially boxed and marketed, precisely because it is human, because women are."

This struck me in the heart. Even as a non christian she could feel the great sting of sin.

She continued saying,

"At best, pornography connects male sexual pleasure with the belief men have the right to buy sexual access to women; at worst, it allows men to climax to images of women's suffering."

This shook me and made me shiver. It brought me into prayer. Her words brought me to Jesus. I began to cry. Although she could see the hurt in the women she couldn't feel the greater fallout. I cried for the women, and also the men. I prayed knowing her words only scratched the surface of the truth. The tears I cried were for the lost. I cried in the knowledge that Jesus longs for them to come to him. He longs to know them, and for them to know him. He wants the abusers and the abused. I prayed and cried for him to show them his mercy. I cried  for them to come to him.

This anxiety came back to me today. My heart was literally racing earlier today during class. I realized I haven't been praying. I realized the same grace i had been crying out for them to receive, i hadn't engaged in myself. I hadn't noticed. But now that I have i had the most incredible desire to get into the word. I needed to be with Jesus. Still after praying for a few minutes there was still an anxiety in my soul. i didn't know what for/  I continued to edit my paper when i realized it wasn't flowing. It didn't relate to an average person. I didn't effectively show what lust does to the soul. It was all wrong.  I was hoping that i could turn my paper into a tool to help love people and change everything. It doesn't look like it, and I don't understand why. 

All I can do is pray.

My prayer for today is for god to quiet me and that I might long for him. That i might long for hi before i long for change. I pray  Jesus that you would satisfy me in the way only you can. Please lord i need you, and i know that's a good place to be.

Amen