Terrifying Christianity

Yesterday I visited Montco. Im attending school there in the fall, but this experience has awakened fear in me. Most people seem to be excited the first day they get accepted, go, and sign up. I have not been very excited. In fact ive been terrified in my own way. Ive been living, knowing that god will provide, but now with this summer coming up I want to do so much. I want to make some 3d animated typography. I want to spend the summer working on videos, learning and improving. As the future is incoming I feel my ambitions are outweighing reality. Maybe I wont be able to do what I want. Today ive felt so anxious about this. Ive just finished reading Mere Christianity, and god has again given me something to comfort me. The very last page of this book was just what I needed.

“Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. But look to Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”

― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I still need prayer. I need to look to him before all else again. I need to return to him.